“…Ain’t nobody gonna want you & if they do, its only cuz you gotta fat ass…”
Can you imagine hearing those belittling words time & time again? Yeah, that’s a form abuse; it’s called mental & emotional abuse.
Him: “What is it that you want in a relationship?”
Me: ” I really don’t know what I want from a relationship right now, but I definitely know what I don’t want from a relationship.”
Him: “Yeah, well you not leaving me.(Laughs & chuckles) What, you wanna leave so you can go be a whore?”
Me: “No, I’m not thinking about no man. Right now I’m just trying to build my relationship & grow closer to God, and focus on my children.”
Him: “Yeah, right. Man gone with that bull shit. Ain’t nobody stupid.(Laughs & chuckles”
Me: “Ok, you laughing now, but you won’t be laughing when My Prince & Night in shiny armor come & take me away.”
Him: Chuckles continue…”Yeah, ok. I’m gonna let your Prince Charming come & take you away….then I’m gonna come & still you back. (Chuckles & laughter)”
Me: “Ok, What Ever 👋…” “I know my Prince & Knight in shining armor will come for me…(quietly spoken).”
It is now October 2017 & I moved out on my own in October 2011, that’s a total of six years; Ooops, I almost forgot I have to subtract the 1st year due to lose ends & stalking. So, this October 2017 I’m celebrating five years free.
Free from the verbal, mental, emotional, financial, & let’s not leave out the physical abuse. Of course, none of it seemed to be a reality @ first. I kinda didn’t believe I was making the moves that I was making, but I was walking & acting out on faith.
I moved to Atlanta, Georgia maybe mid June of 2012. So, on August 18, 2012, which was my 32nd Birthday; I woke up to an early morning call from my mother in North Carolina. My first thought was, ” Man, it’s too early, what in the world.” But I answer the phone, “Hello, good morning mother” in a really tired voice. That would normally receive a response something like, “Good morning baby, sorry to wake you. Just wanted to say I love you. Call me back later after you wake up.”
Instead it went more like, “Do you know a lady named ‘Sh….’? She go to momma church.”
Me: I only know one lady with that name from ###, I used to do her hair. What about her?”
Mom: “I’m not sure. Let me call Aunt Burt. She will know. I don’t want to tell you anything wrong. Just hold on for one minute.”
Me: “Ok.” Anxiously & patiently waiting for further information.
Mom: “Aisha, you might want to sit down & smoke you a cigarette for this…”
Me: “Ok, I’m going outside on the patio give me a moment….ok, I’m ready.”
Mom: Ok, you know the Lady S, her daughter got killed….”
Me: “Whaaa what happened…she was killed in a car accident?”
Mom: “No, she was shot & killed. It happened early this morning. It was her Ex that she had broken up with. She was @ her mom’s house on the porch getting ready to go inside & he shot & killed her…”
“He shot & killed her…” just echoed in my head.
We went to high school & graduted together. Wow, oh my god. I can’t believe this has happened. I have heard stories & even lost an older cousin in such a violent manner. But, never did I expect it to be so close to home. We were Damn near the same age with the same amount of children; same sex & age range.I’m not going to lie, I’ve seen & felt death very closely @ different times during my abusive relationship, but Daaamn.”
I always feel that everything happens for a reason. We may not always know the reason @ that particular time & sometimes we may never figure it out, but there is always a reason.
I am a living testimony. Domestic Violence is real & it’s deadly. The first 24-48 hours are known to be the most crucial hours for a victim’s safety & lively hood. Don’t suffer in silence; become aware of your options & resources. National Domestic Violence Hotline: 1-800-799-7233
Rest in peace to all Domestic Violence victims. October 2017
I thank God on a regular, that he spared me & I made it out alive. I definitely don’t look like what I’ve been through. But, I’ve endured many hard times and struggles, and none of it was in vain.
In life our experiences are lessons & tools to teach. Awareness & knowledge is the key. The elders & those who have been through & experienced some things in life should be a ready & willing role model & mentor for the young & those who lack knowledge. It used to take a village to raise a child. Now, no one is allowed to correct your child with out having to answer to an angry parent for that matter.
Where and how are we supposed to learn the correct way of Life?
We have a lot of single family homes; parents can’t stand each other or respect each other long enough to effectively co-parent. No wonder it seems as though the younger generation has lost their dang minds.
I’ve said all of that to say that there is still hope for our future & there are still some good people out there who cares ❤.
Know your worth & don’t settle for less than. Don’t ever let anyone tell you that you are less than who you know your true self to be, and Definitely Don’t let anyone Destroy Your Dreams….
I got my Prince & Night in shiny armor…
Survival of the Fittest