“Prince & Night in Shiny Armor”

“…Ain’t nobody gonna want you & if they do, its only cuz you gotta fat ass…”

Can you imagine hearing those belittling words time & time again? Yeah, that’s a form abuse; it’s called mental & emotional abuse.

Him: “What is it that you want in a relationship?”

Me: ” I really don’t know what I want from a relationship right now, but I definitely know what I don’t want from a relationship.”

Him: “Yeah, well you not leaving me.(Laughs & chuckles) What, you wanna leave so you can go be a whore?”

Me: “No, I’m not thinking about no man. Right now I’m just trying to build my relationship & grow closer to God, and focus on my children.”

Him: “Yeah, right. Man gone with that bull shit. Ain’t nobody stupid.(Laughs & chuckles”

Me: “Ok, you laughing now, but you won’t be laughing when My Prince & Night in shiny armor come & take me away.”

Him: Chuckles continue…”Yeah, ok. I’m gonna let your Prince Charming come & take you away….then I’m gonna come & still you back. (Chuckles & laughter)”

Me: “Ok, What Ever ūüĎč…”¬† ¬† ¬† ¬† ¬† ¬† ¬† ¬† ¬† ¬† ¬† ¬† ¬† ¬† “I know my Prince & Knight in shining armor will come for me…(quietly spoken).”

It is now October 2017 & I moved out on my own in October 2011, that’s a total of six years; Ooops, I almost forgot I have to subtract the 1st year due to lose ends & stalking. So, this October 2017 I’m celebrating five years free.

Free from the verbal, mental, emotional, financial, & let’s not leave out the physical abuse. Of course, none of it seemed to be a reality @ first. I kinda didn’t believe I was making the moves that I was making, but I was walking & acting out on faith.

I moved to Atlanta, Georgia maybe mid June of 2012. So, on August 18, 2012, which was my 32nd Birthday; I woke up to an early morning call from my mother in North Carolina. My first thought was, ” Man, it’s too early, what in the world.” But I answer the phone, “Hello, good morning mother” in a really tired voice. That would normally receive a response something like, “Good morning baby, sorry to wake you. Just wanted to say I love you. Call me back later after you wake up.”

Instead it went more like, “Do you know a lady named ‘Sh….’? She go to momma church.”

Me: I only know one lady with that name from ###, I used to do her hair. What about her?”

Mom: “I’m not sure. Let me call Aunt Burt. She will know. I don’t want to tell you anything wrong. Just hold on for one minute.”

Me: “Ok.” Anxiously & patiently waiting for further information.

Mom: “Aisha, you might want to sit down & smoke you a cigarette for this…”

Me: “Ok, I’m going outside on the patio give me a moment….ok, I’m ready.”

Mom: Ok, you know the Lady S, her daughter got killed….”

Me: “Whaaa what happened…she was killed in a car accident?”

Mom: “No, she was shot & killed. It happened early this morning. It was her Ex that she had broken up with. She was @ her mom’s house on the porch getting ready to go inside & he shot & killed her…”

“He shot & killed her…” just echoed in my head.

We went to high school & graduted together. Wow, oh my god. I can’t believe this has happened. I have heard stories & even lost an older cousin in such a violent manner. But, never did I expect it to be so close to home. We were Damn near the same age with the same amount of children; same sex & age range.I’m not going to lie, I’ve seen & felt death very closely @ different times during my abusive relationship, but Daaamn.”

I always feel that everything happens for a reason. We may not always know the reason @ that particular time & sometimes we may never figure it out, but there is always a reason.

I am a living testimony. Domestic Violence is real & it’s deadly. The first 24-48 hours are known to be the most crucial hours for a victim’s safety & lively hood. Don’t suffer in silence; become aware of your options & resources. National Domestic Violence Hotline: 1-800-799-7233

Rest in peace to all Domestic Violence victims. October 2017

I thank God on a regular, that he spared me & I made it out alive. I definitely don’t look like what I’ve been through. But, I’ve endured many hard times and struggles, and none of it was in vain.

In life our experiences are lessons & tools to teach. Awareness & knowledge is the key. The elders & those who have been through & experienced some things in life should be a ready & willing role model & mentor for the young & those who lack knowledge. It used to take a village to raise a child. Now, no one is allowed to correct your child with out having to answer to an angry parent for that matter.

Where and how are we supposed to learn the correct way of Life?

We have a lot of single family homes; parents can’t stand each other or respect each other long enough to effectively co-parent. No wonder it seems as though the younger generation has lost their dang minds.

I’ve said all of that to say that there is still hope for our future & there are still some good people out there who cares ‚̧.

Know your worth & don’t settle for less than. Don’t ever let anyone tell you that you are less than who you know your true self to be, and Definitely Don’t let anyone Destroy Your Dreams….

I got my Prince & Night in shiny armor…

Resized_20171005_120210

Sincerely,

Survival of the Fittest

(Living, Prosperous)

 

 

Be Aware…

Domestic:

Family or Household Members:

  • Spouse or former spouse
  • Dating or former dating relationship
  • Adults related by blood or marriage
  • Biological or legal parent-child relationship

                                                              illustration-2223973__480

Abuse:

Acts of Violence & Series/Behavior

Acts of violence & series of behaviors to include: intimidation, threats, psychological abuse and isolation. Abuse is any act used to gain power or control over another person. There are several types of abuse to include:

  • Physical abuse
  • Sexual abuse
  • Psychological abuse
  • Emotional abuse
  • Economic abuse

PhyVio

 

Battery and abuse occur among people of all races, socio-economic classes, religious affiliations, occupations and educational backgrounds. The responsibility for the violence¬†resides with the abuser, and it’s a learned behavior. But with help the abuser can learn how to become non-violent. No one deserves to be mistreated or abused regardless of situations or circumstances.

According to statistics 85% of women ages 15-44 years of age in the U.S injuries are related to acts of domestic violence. Witnessing violence is the #1 factor for transmitting violence to the next generation. Disturbing but true fact police respond better for strangers than for Domestic Violence victims.

Often times women are involved in abusive relationships and are unaware only because it’s not physical. I’m here to inform you that it doesn’t have to be physical to be classified as¬†abuse. It is a lot easier to spot physical abuse if you aren’t too na√Įve to the fact (great idea for separate post).

Physical & Sexual abuse include but is not limited to: hair pulling, biting, shaking, pushing, pinching, choking, kicking, confinement, slapping, hitting, punching, using weapons, forced intercourse, unwanted sexual touching in public, deprivation of food or sleep, among many other physical acts.

Now what may be a little more difficult for someone to identify as abuse would psychological/mental, emotional, and economic. Many have said that psychological and emotional abuse is worst than physical abuse. And I can just about agree with that, because it takes longer to heal that hurt; or to erase the mean, evil words spoken to you over and over again out of your memory. A black-eye or a busted lip can heal in a matter of days, but to try and clear your head from the constant sound of someone degrading or belittling you takes more time and effort to heal.

Psychological & emotional abuse include but is not limited to: insults, name calling, playing mind games, making you feel bad about yourself, putting you down in front of family & friends, humiliation, making all the big decisions, making you feel guilty, being the one to define the roles of men & women, treating you like a servant, making you think that maybe you’re crazy, and afraid to communicate your feelings and needs.

Economic abuse maybe¬†the most¬†difficult to identify, but it’s when the abuser has control over the victim’s access to economic resources, taking away their¬†capacity to support themselves & are forced to depend on the perpetrator financially. Signs of economic abuse include but is not limited to: preventing you from having or keeping a job; *interfering with your¬†efforts to maintain a job by sabotaging childcare, transportation, or other arrangements;*¬†REFUSING to work; taking your money; not including you on family decisions; making you ask for money; not allowing you access to family finances; expecting you to behave in a certain way because you are not the¬†“Breadwinner”.

It is important to know that disagreements do occur from time to time in relationships, but domestic violence & abuse is a pattern of behaviors used to establish and maintain power & control. Abuse is never a one time event; it is actually a cycle. During this cycle the victim can often times become more vulnerable to attacks. The cycle may occur many times through out a relationship.

Cycle of Violence:

Screenshot_2017-10-15-06-19-28

This cycle may occur many times within a relationship. Be aware and pay attention to signs & patterns

Incident- any type of abuse occurs (physical, sexual, or  emotional)

Tension Building- abuser starts to get angry; abuse may begin; breakdown in communication; victim feels the need to keep the abuser calm; tension becomes too much; victim feels like they are walking on egg-shells

Making-up: abuser may apologize for the abuse, and may promise that it will never happen again; abuser may blame victim for causing the abuse; abuser may deny abuse took place or say it was not as bad as the victim claims

Calm: abuser acts as if the abuse never happened; physical abuse may not be taking place; promises made during making-up may be fulfilled; victim may hope that the abuse is over; abuser may give gifts to victim

It is important to know that the cycle may repeat many times within a relationship, and each stage may last for different time frames. Each cycle can take any where from a number of hours to a number of years to occur. It all depends on the abuser and their hunger or sense¬†for control. Not all domestic violence relationships fit the cycle. Generally, as time goes on, the ‘making up’ and ‘calm’ stages began to diminish, and disappear altogether.

Awareness is the key to prevention. A good safety plan and support system is essential to ensure a non-deadly or lethal way out of an abusive relationship. Knowing the warning signs of an abusive relationship can be key to survival. Never under estimate your abuser, and know that the first 24-48 hours of removing yourself from the grips of an abuser are the most crucial.  If you or someone you know are involved in an abusive relationship, please Do Not Hesitate to reach out for help. You are not in this alone. There are 24 hour hot-lines, advocates, and other resources to help you get through your difficulties. Just know that know one deserves to be mistreated or abused, and no one has to suffer in silence anymore. The National Domestic Violence Hotline 1-800-799-7233.

My references come from experience, education, and domesticviolence.org web-site. Comments and questions are welcomed. Please feel free to like, share, and follow.

Empathetically,

Survival of the Fittest

(Living, Prosperous)

Once Upon a Time….

Fall of 1996 (Mid-October)

In a small country town called Norlina, some where in North Carolina, a place that many have never even¬†heard of, lived a young teen-aged girl, named Icey. At the age of sixteen she made a decision that would impact the rest of her life. At the time of her decision, Icey was totally clueless; but, I always say that everything happens for a reason, and God doesn’t make any mistakes.

After a couple of months of being¬†constantly pursued by a young male called “Pretty T” Icey decides to “stop playing hard to get” &¬†accepts the invitation to become his girl, and allow him to be her man. In the beginning the couple was inseparable; like Bonnie & Clyde. You never saw one without the other, they were so close¬†that some people thought they were brother & sister.

 

20170404_135318_1491328433571.jpg

Almost two years into the relationship, the couple gave birth to their first child, a baby girl. Approximately four years¬†later they produced and brought forth their second child, which was also a baby girl. In the mean time & in between time the couple had good times versus bad times that eventually turned into “No more time- gotta go!”

What may have seemed kind of peculiar & a little fuzzy during that time; later became really clear to Icey. Her relationship began in October of 1996 and it ended in October of 2010.¬†Over the course of the couple’s relationship things went from good to bad and from bad to worse. During what may have seemed liked the worse time of Icey’s life is when she learned that the month of October is National Domestic Violence Awareness Month.

Upon learning this new this information Icey became very emotional, but aware at the same time. One of the things that became really crystal clear is that life occurs in cycles, and one will continue to repeat the same cycle until they have learned what’s necessary to move on. Also, the things we have to experience & endure in life¬†is to strengthen us & allows us¬†to be able to help others in same or similar situations.

Sincerely,

Survival of the Fittest

(Living, Prosperous)

Ps. This post is based off real life situations, and an excerpt to my upcoming, untitled play and book. Names have been altered to protect identities. I haven’t settled on¬†title yet, but once I have, then it will be announced.

Pss. Please feel free to leave comments in the comment section below. If you have any questions don’t hesitate to ask via comment section or email. I welcome you to like, share, and follow.

 

What’s Love…

Screenshot_2017-10-08-04-46-48
Disclaimer: These are not my lyrics, but I have chosen to use them in relation to my life experiences. Lyrics are from “What’s Love Got to Do with it”-Song by Tina Turner & “I Want to Know What Love is”-Foreigner

 

“You must understand though the touch of your hand makes my pulse react…it may seem to you that I’m acting confused when you’re close to me; if I tend to look dazed I’ve read it some place, I’ve got cause to be….I’ve been thinking about my own protection, It scares me to feel this way…”

“In¬†wanna know what love is, I want you to show me, I want to feel what love is…In my life there’s been heartache & pain; I don’t know if I could face it again; I can’t stop now, I’ve traveled so far….”

 

What’s Love? A lot of people may say that love is complicated, but in actuality it’s not. Love is an emotion, and can be identified through acts of selflessness, endearment, loyalty, & affection. Many people misuse this and take advantage of the word “Love.”

“LOVE”

(Free-Style Poem)

What does it mean to be loved by you

When I open my eyes in the morning thanking God for another day

I sit and I wonder- Lord can I really bare this load, I’ve been enduring for a while

And it seems as though this pain & suffering will never end

I don’t know Lord but I thank you anyway

As I continue to press on living one day at a time

Trusting & believing that my dream would some day come true

Building my strength that only comes from you

I fast and I pray, I pray and I fast

In order to know that this season is temporary and will not last

Becoming a living testimony is how I know that I’m Loved by you

(Freestyle Poem by: Aisha K. Brown)

Survival of the Fittest

(Living, Prosperous)

Love is not suppose to physically, mentally, emotionally, or financially hurt or cause pain. Love is supposed to be welcoming and not fearful. It should bring joy and not sorrow. Practice self-love, and know your worth. Never let anyone determine your destiny; “Acknowledge God in all your ways (everything) and he shall direct your path” (Proverbs 3:6).

Can you love me like I need to be loved? How do you view yourself? Always be honest with self; cast aside whatever is hindering progress in life and make a whole new start. Get connected, you are not alone and you no longer have to suffer in silence. If you suffer or know someone that is suffering from Domestic Violence/Abuse feel free to contact the National Domestic Violence Hotline @ 1800-799-7233 Call 24/7

Sincerely,

Influence of Change-Survival of the Fittest

(Living, Prosperous)

Thanks for visiting my blog; please feel free to leave comments and suggestions; questions are welcome

 

RIP…TIL DEATH DO US PART

DOMESTIC

DAMN, I can’t believe he just hit me

ONLY to promise to never do it again 

MAYBE if I stop upsetting him, things will change & get better

EXCUSES, excuses, excuses

SORRY only lasts for a moment

‘TIL he loses control again

I DON’T DESERVE THIS

CRYING myself to sleep

VIOLENTLY, he pulls my hair & slams me to the floor

I try so hard to make it right

OTHERS tell me that I’m stupid or crazy for staying

LEAVING me without any solutions or support

NEVER in my wildest dreams did I imagine this happening to me

TIL DEATH DO US PART

SINCERELY,

SURVIVAL OF THE FITTEST

(LIVING, PROSPEROUS)

written by: Aisha K. Brown

 

 

gun-1678989_640

loving-1207568_1920

PS. AWARENESS & KNOWLEDGE IS KEY TO PREVENTION; NO ONE DESERVES TO BE ABUSED OR MISTREATED

PSS..

STOP DOMESTIC VIOLENCE

PLEASE FEEL FREE TO LEAVE COMMENTS, OR ASK QUESTIONS; SUBSCRIBE & FOLLOW

Do You See What I See???

Screenshot_2017-09-30-23-03-42

Some people say your eyes are the window to your soul. I’m not 100% sure about that, but I know that your ūüĎÄ(eyes) do speak volume. A person can verbally express something but their body language & eyes express something totally different.

When you look @ yourself in the mirror what do you ūüĎÄ(see)? Not just a mere reflection of yourself, I hope. Do you see your full potential; are you able to see your true self?

Your eyes take in a lot of information daily for your brain to process. Your eyes are a very important sensory tool that connects with your mind to create images & imaginations.

20170930_055205

Always pay attention to your surroundings. What you see is not always what you get. Never let  situations or circumstances determine your destiny. You are the co-author & pilot over your life; with God the creator as the Author.

Look (ūüĎÄ) deep within yourself & reflect. Reflect on your life & determine what is of value. Do you see what I see?

Sincerely,

In the Eyes of the Beholder

(Living, Prosperous)